What’s this season about? Who cares, here’s Finn Balor in his full body makeup. Alright, alright, fine, here’s the thing you actually came for, the review. (But seriously Finn Balor is better than anything on this show.)
So this thing is apparently a show within a show as we get interviews with the real Shelby and Matt while we get renactments of events with “Shelby” and “Matt”. So yeah we start off with a story about Matt being knocked out by gangsters and Shelby losing her baby. they decide to move out of the city to North Carolina. They find some random mansion in the woods that’s for sale and buy it in an auction for nearly all their money.
Later that night something makes pig noises and throws a trash can at “Matt”. Later, teeth rain from the sky. They disappear when “Matt” gets home though. “Matt” then goes away on business and “Shelby” gets some visitors.
First it’s two ladies in nurses outfits walking down the hall. Then it’s a lady trying to drown her in a hot tub. Cops don’t believe her and neither does “Matt”. “Shelby” feels guilty because she doesn’t want to live in that house anymore.
Later on, “Matt” hears more pig squealing and finds a dead pig on their front lawn. He buries it and then sets up a security system to find the rednecks he thinks are doing this. He also calls his sister Lee to come watch over “Shelby” while he’s away. Lee apparently lost her job as a cop after taking too many pills and having a guy kill himself while she was on the job. Her husband leaves her because of this and she loses custody of her daughter.
“Shelby” hears noises again in her house and finds a knife she was using to cut up carrots in some beef she was cooking. Later on Lee hears the pig noises and a bottle of wine rolls towards her. “Matt”’s security system gets tripped by people with torches. “Shelby” and “Lee” were too busy fighting to notice “Matt”’s phone calls when they hear a noise. They go down to the basement where they hear talking and find a TV playing a video of a pig monster.
The torch wielders enter the house while “Shelby” and “Lee” hide in the basement. Eventually the noises upstairs stops and they discover that the houses main stairwell has been strung up with voodoo dolls. “Shelby” and “Lee” show “Matt” the video but Matt doesn’t believe it’s real. “Shelby” is upset by this and drives off. As she’s driving she runs over some lady who wanders off into the woods. “Shelby” follows her and then gets lost in the woods where she finds more voodoo dolls hanging from a tree. She tries to run away but trips and falls on a heaving hill, then runs into the torch wielders, one of whom is missing his scalp to end the episode.
Well this is different. The documentary style retelling, the lack of opening credits, everything. Overall I think it’s an interesting idea so far, Roanoke ghosts, pig men, voodoo, and all that good stuff. However the real question is, will they be able to sustain it for 13 or so episodes? I don’t know, but I guess we’ll see.
- Apparently Mercedes is going to be everyone’s vehicle of choice this season. I know this because Ryan Murphy told us this at the very beginning of the show.
- I probably made the whole naming thing more complicated than it needed to be. The Quotation Marks will probably be gone by the next review.
- This was good but I made the right choice watching Mr. Robot and the Cruiserweight Classic first before I watched this. (Congratulations go to TJ Perkins on his win.)
- I wonder if Ryan Murphy could convince John Travolta to show up on this show sometime.