Five episodes in seems like a good time to start reviewing a series right? This will be the third writing project I’m starting now after RWBY and Monday Night Raw. Anyway, I’m going to break down what happened by storyline before I give my thoughts on the episode, Here we go:

Dr. Awful and the Vampire Children

We start things off with Dr. Alex not handling her new vampirism all too well as she goes to the hospital to check up on the kid with the measles, steals some blood, and takes some of her own blood and gives it to the measles kid which causes him to shake around a bunch and apparently gets cured.

Measles kid then proceeds to munch on both of his parents before he goes to school. Measles kid ends up infecting his girlfriend with what is apparently now a vampire measles combination and proceeds to kill his teacher for his girlfriend to feed on. He then infects the rest of the class and gives them more teachers to feed on which summons the cops who never figure out that the children are responsible for massacring the schools teaching staff, mostly because the kids lie about it when the cops ask them about it.

Cutting back to Dr. Alex, who is dressing appropriately for a vampire now, we learn that the Countess has hired Alex to become the new governess (replacing Iris I guess) to the vampire children. We close out the episode on Alex and her son Holden sleeping together in a giant coffin down in the swimming pool basement.

Donovan, Iris, and Ramona

Next up, Donovan and Iris pay a visit to Ramona Royale with a new plan to have Iris act as their inside man in their grand plan to get revenge on the Countness. Iris makes her way back to the hotel where Liz Taylor gives her a blood and alcohol combo drink whle giving her some advice.


Then the worlds most obnoxious hipster couple comes into the hotel to get a room. Words cannot describe how awful these people were. After Iris shows them to there room she has a run in with the Countess and Tristen, who is wearing a Top Hat and purple sunglasses. The Countess is presumably not fooled about Iris being a vampire but lets it go.

After some more advice from Liz (And Liz’s origin story, see below), Iris and Liz bond and Iris goes back up to the room of the horrendous hipster couple and kills them for being horrendous. Iris and Liz then dispose of the bodies and that ends their portion of the episode.

Liz Taylor

We learn Liz’s origin story; apparently in 1984 she was married with children in Topeka, KN and was a closeted cross dresser. During a business trip to Los Angeles she stays at the Hotel Cortez and stumbles across The Countess while she’s trying indulging herself. The Countess helps her embrace her inner self and kills a couple of Liz’s homophobic coworkers. She then offers her a job and that where Liz has been ever since.


Detective Fucked-Up-Sherlock

Detective John Lowe is being interviewed by his superior Robert Knepper about the events of the serial killer convention last episode. John wants to have the hotel investigated but Robert Knepper tells him no and fires him on the spot. Apparently John’s not in good standing with the police and this latest incident was the final straw.

John then wakes up in his hotel room with Sally next to him, apparently the two of them hooked up while the sex demon watched, but John doesn’t really remember it and tells Sally to get out. Not a lot from the awful detective this week.



This was not a bad episode, This season has been managing to ride high on it’s flash which is a good thing because we’re approaching halfway through and watching it hasn’t become a chore yet. The vampire apocalypse seems like it could be an interesting thread and I’m curious to see where it goes. Of course more Liz Taylor is always a good thing though more Mr. March would also be great. Also good is that they’re taking the Ramona’s revenge storyline slow, because this show has blown through storylines fast in the past and been left with nothing to do for a while afterwards. Let’s hope that when the show does come inevitably crashing down that happens far later in the season when there will be less to have to watch.


  • If Johns not a cop anymore, how exactly is he going to solve the Ten-Commandments case? Whether or not he is actually the killer himself, The killer did seem to want the attention of Johns cop persona, so I don’t know what will happen now.
  • So Dr. Alex is really bad at her job, stealing blood bags, giving her blood to children and not making sure everything was fine with the kid afterwards. I don’t think the Countess is going to take the outbreak well.
  • Do we know who the other vampire kids are besides Holden? I’m sure that’s either important or they’re expendable redshirts.
  • Also where is Scarlett? Is she just home by herself? Jeezus, if the Countess was trying to save Holden from neglect she screwed up and grabbed the wrong kid.
  • The song that played during Liz Taylor’s makeover scene was “Bette Davis Eyes” by Kim Carnes, thank you BehindDarkGlasses Hide Demons for knowing music better than I do.
  • Those OJ Simpson series commercials are getting more and more elaborately ridiculous every week.
  • Also Moby Dick is getting a gritty reboot. Commercials on FX are as insane as it’s shows.
  • UPDATE: I didn’t realize this until later but the Male Hipster was played by Darren Criss of Glee. If Chris Colfer shows up at some point I will be very disappointed.